Ma Chao's Wrath
by HarborRat
Summary: Ma Chao's bodyguard has been keeping a secret, but an injury ruins the charade. Warning:OC
1. Discovered

_**DISCLAIMER:** _Dynasty Warriors is property of KOEI corp and this non profit fanstory is nothing but tribute to a great series. Romance of Three Kingdoms is property of Luo Guanzhong. The originial character is property of the author.

A/N: This is a short story I started on a forum that I hope to get around to finishing. I'm just now posting some of my other stories at but they can be found on my homepage. I wrote this to practice writing from a different POV as well as write a more balanced peice on Ma Chao. It is rated Mature for language, adult situations and violence. 

_Ma Chao's Wrath_

**Chapter 1**

Discovered

* * *

They say that life flashes before your eyes when you're about to die. Well those people obviously never met my lord, Ma Chao. I was too damned scared of what he was going to do to me if I didn't die to think about what my pitiful life had been so far. So stupidity and fear drove me to tear the arrow out of my leg and that is what caused my problems. It is incredible the amount of blood that can come from a gash in your leg…and how very damned painful it is to rip an arrow out of your limb. It didn't cloud my thoughts long, in an instant I was back to fighting…I couldn't let him know my secret. It was better to die.

"How badly are you wounded?" He cleared his way over to me, his last bodyguard standing. Why he always let his anger get the best of him, I'll never know. Cao Cao's mocking words had made him charge blindly into an ambush and now here we were.

"Just a scratch my lord." I squeaked, sounding a bit too feminine for my own good. I had been disguising myself as a man for years, ever since he attacked Chang An to avenge his father's death. Years of luck apparently, nothing was going to save my ruse once they took my pants off to get to this wound.

"We should pull back." He never did figure that out in time.

"As you wish, sir." I hobbled after him as he cleared a path. Even wounded with blood flooding my boot, I still had to admire his ass. That was the last thing I remembered…my lord's perfectly shaped ass.

xxxxxxxxx

I woke up later, how much later I do not know. However the stench of medicine made me quite certain that this was not the afterlife. My eyes opened and I saw his leg first…then his crotch…then his tapping finger on his knee. No hiding now…"Sir?"

"You lied to me."

I abandoned the formalities, we were off the battlefield and he was always lax in camp. We were the closest unit to him and he treated us as family. Now, they were dead and I was a girl, where did that leave us? "What choice did I have? Stay at home? Make babies? Die like that?"

"You betrayed my trust!" His foot slammed into the ground and I looked up at him as he began to pace. Figuring it was better to sit up, I shuffled into a better position.

"I had no choice."

"You had plenty of choices. One of them was honesty."

"Bullshit."

I could see him trying to work out the confusion. My voice was the same, but my body was no where near. He stared at me and made me cringe. Damn he was intimidating when he was angry. "I confided in you!"

"And I gave you sound advice! Did you not win over Lady Yang? Do you not have a wife and two kids at home? What are you angry with me for?"

I watched him begin to pace faster and clench his fists. "That is not the point!"

"Then just execute me for this heinous crime and do us both a favor."

"I'm not executing you." He said it then glared at me. I had to look away. His piercing gaze was enough to make me tremble. I hated that look and until now it was only reserved for people who disobeyed orders…or the enemy.

"I never meant to hurt you…I don't see why this is such an issue!"

"Oh? So that's why you're cross dressing?"

I growled, he was such a pain in the ass to argue with. "You know what I mean. I took my chance to help my country…"

"No you didn't! You did this for yourself. Stop lying to me"

"Fine. I wanted to get out of Wu Wei, I didn't want what was available. I wanted to do something important."

"Then what are you doing as my bodyguard?" He kicked the chair out of frustration.

"You gave me this post."

"Because you fought well….you could have told me then. You selfish bitch."

I had to admit he was right. I didn't really care about the war, I cared about doing something that would be recognized. I cared more about being respected than anything. "It's all I have. Had."

"What the hell do you expect me to do about this? I can't kill you…I can't let you stay! If I send you back home you'll be out on the street….damn you." He ran his hands through his hair and turned back to me. "Stay in bed. I'm going to talk to Zilong."

"How many more people are you going to tell?"

"A little late to be worried." He closed the gap quickly and I shuffled away from him. "You made your decision without considering the ramifications. Now…I get to clean up the mess. I'll tell whoever I need to."

"Including Liu Bei."

He closed his eyes briefly. "More than likely. I need to talk to someone who I _trust_. Be here when I return." It was a cheap shot, but I deserved it. All he had divulged thinking I was just another guy. But what did it matter? Why couldn't he just accept that I was trying to help because he was a friend. I knew the answer. Han Sui's betrayal still hurt him like no other and he instantly thought I was trying to do the same thing. Tired and cold I slumped back down into the bed, hoping that General Zhao was as rational as he seemed.


	2. The Verdict

_Ma Chao's Wrath_

**Chapter 2**

The Verdict 

_

* * *

_

"You have to be one of the most emotional people I know."

I opened my eyes to see Zhao Yun being pushed into the tent with an aggravated look across his face. His hair was up in a lopsided ponytail and he looked as if he was trying to wash the grime of battle off before Ma Chao got a hold of him. It was something I had to burn into my brain: Zhao Yun looked disheveled. Then I saw my lord burst in and I sunk back into the bed. He looked furious.

"Stop mocking me and try to be helpful." Lord Ma sneered and tossed his helmet across the tent.

"Fine. Want to start by giving the wounded one some rest and recuperation time before you start down your path of mass destruction and righteous indignation?" General Zhao brushed off his tunic annoyed that he looked so unkempt.

I looked up and saw him glaring at me. He quickly looked back to his friend and replied, "Can you be serious?"

"I always am serious." The general then sat down on my cot and sighed. "Unless the situation calls for ridicule."

I wanted to go to sleep and pretend like the incident never happened. It had all been so good before and I didn't appreciate it. "My lords…."

"Now you're returning to formalities?"

"Fine." I sat up and wrapped the extra blanket around my shoulders. "What will this achieve?"

"Exactly my point." Zhao Yun snorted. "What do you want Mengqi? You couldn't figure out she was a girl in FOUR years of service? That's not going to look good for you…then there's the fact that a girl was the only one of your elite bodyguards to make it back alive…"

"What are you implying?" How my lord's eyes burned with rage. I involuntarily shivered; I never wanted to be the target of his wrath.

I watched him fume. I could see him struggling with the allegation knowing that General Zhao was speaking the truth. Questions would be asked, eyebrows would raise and his reputation would be damaged. Me? I was already dead…who cared what they thought after my head was detached. Liu Bei would not react well to hearing of a woman mingling amongst his men…especially if he remembered how many times I stood guard while they bathed. I could say nothing; I was the one to blame for this. There was no good way out now that he dragged me back from the field.

"You know exactly what I'm saying, stop getting pissed. Your damned anger isn't going to solve anything and you're only going to make shit worse. Now calm down and start thinking straight. If you publicize this then everyone is going to be placing the blame on you. You're the one who never noticed she doesn't have the right equipment; you're the one who promoted her to be closest to you and then ride into camp with her draped across your lap. For now you're safe. No one except that surgeon knows anything and he knows better than to talk and my advice is that you follow his example. Do you want this getting back to Lady Yang?"

"Nothing happened!"

"Mengqi, it doesn't matter. Just keep your mouth shut till we get home. Let the genius figure it out."

I kept my eyes away from them both. Lady Yang was now a good six months pregnant with his third child and she was very jealous of any attention her husband received from the ladies of the court. If something were to upset her, she could lose the baby and that wasn't something that I could let happen. If the camp got wind of this, they would gossip and his reputation would be shattered. How could my simple plan do so much damage? I hardly knew who I was anymore, the act had slowly eaten away my original self and now I was left with something frightening. I would never get away with acting like I did as a woman. So what were my options?

xxxxxxx

Perhaps the next four weeks were the worst of my life. My time was spent in bed or in a medic wagon being carted from place to place. No one except the surgeon visited me, and it was a cruel punishment. Used to the life of a bodyguard I was accustomed to being able to go where ever I desired and having many luxuries not known by common soldiers. Most of all I missed my Lord and that is what dominated my thoughts. I doubted I'd ever see his smile again, only that look of betrayal would await me. Finally, we arrived in Cheng Du.

"Can you walk?"

I was startled by his appearance at the wagon flap. It was the first time I'd seen him since the conference with Zilong and I didn't expect him to be the one to help me out of the medic wagon. An added bonus was that he didn't seem so angry, but with him there was always a storm hiding beneath the surface. "Yes, I can."

"Can I help you out?" Such short sentences and I was quick to catch on to the fact that they were simple ones. All they required were simple 'yes' or 'no' answers.

I shuffled around and hobbled over to his outstretched arms and let him lift me up and set me to the ground. It flustered me; I had never been so close to him as a woman. Now that we both knew of my charade I felt the discomfort. "Thanks."

"Lord Liu Bei and Master Zhuge are waiting." The formalities only made the confrontation colder. Unless in their presence he refrained from such titles, believing himself to be their equal. Lord of XiLiang was far more impressive than anything the 'Imperial Uncle' could boast and Zhuge Liang annoyed him too much to be worthy of respect. He was treating me like a stranger and I knew whatever punishment the Shu high command had for me would be far more bearable than this. He quickly looked away and I understood. No need wasting energy talking to the condemned.

I looked up and saw General Zhao waiting with his reassuring smile and an arm to lean on. "Shall we Major?"

"I think it best if I remain outside." My lord's eyes didn't return to my own. No, he was trying to distance himself. Just like when he had to put his old war horse down on the field.

"I wish you the best….my lord." I hobbled forward taking Zilong's arm to steady myself. Damn how my leg ached.

Xxxxx

I sat before both Zhuge Liang and Liu Bei as the looked over my records and shot me questioning glances and Zhao Yun stood silently by the door. I didn't really give a damn anymore; I just wanted this to be over.

"You do understand how serious this offense Zhuge Liang asked and I saw his soft eyes. He seemed so kind; it was bizarre how many people hated him just because he was intelligent.

"I do."

"You were impersonating an officer." Liu Bei mumbled.

"I was impersonating a man. I became an officer out of my own merit." Dammit…I wasn't doing a good job of not caring or acting demure.

"Still you've overstepped the boundaries of what society has deemed right for a young lady!" Liu Bei snapped. "You did not think of your family or your lord, only yourself. You have brought shame upon so many people for this foolish escapade!"

"Sir, " Zhao Yun's voice echoed across the room. "Perhaps that speech is not the most effective coming from a man who has married Lady Sun….or even one that has Lady Huang as his wife."

"Zilong…" Zhuge Liang grumbled and I saw his indecision begin to grow. Why General Zhao was being so kind…hell I didn't care. It wouldn't do any good.

"No he is right." Liu Bei stood up and began to pace. "I would be a hypocrite…and I won't do that."

"So the obvious answer is to assign you to Lady Sun's entourage." Kongming smiled, proud of his quick dismissal of the situation.

"Why not Yue Ying's?" Lu Bei queried

"My beloved wife….doesn't get along well with other women. At least not those who hide who they are."

That was a lovely retort. Now I was regarded as the lowest possible specimen of the army; I couldn't even overcome the barriers due to my sex…I had to cheat. Sun Shang Xiang's bodyguards were going to be no better, the young Princess was so chipper and her bodyguards followed suit. I was a pariah and if I felt my life had no meaning before, I was going to find out how very horrible it could have been. There would be no journey back to what I had; instead I was going to voluntarily become what I had run away from Wu Wei to avoid. Just another face in the crowd; just another woman that took up space. I hadn't noticed Liu Bei staring at me until too late. "My lord?"

"This displeases you?"

"No sir…I am grateful for your mercy." I mustn't have sounded convincing, Zhuge Liang stopped signing his paperwork and stared at me with a look of contempt.

"Serve my wife well; you will not have another chance." Liu Bei announced with an air of dismissal.


	3. Sweet Dreams

_Ma Chao's Wrath_

**Chapter 3**

Sweet Dreams

* * *

The months past slowly; each day as miserable as the previous one. Sleeping became my favorite past time; at least while asleep I didn't have to deal with life. At one point I loved training, it was fun and entertaining while still being competitive however it now was a showcase of my glaring differences. Sun Shang Xiang did not fight like Lord Ma Chao and her bodyguards were expected to be able to support her. She didn't have the same instincts he did nor the anger issues and I was always moving in the wrong direction or pressing too far ahead when she was preparing for a musou attack. Soon I was placed on inactive duty despite my higher rank and experience, something the younger and more immature women chose to dwell on. Three months after my discussion with Zhuge Liang and Liu Bei I was reassigned…to caring for my lady's horse. The head bodyguard suggested that I should be given the stable duty thanks to my cavalry background, stating that having an incompatible guard within the unit disrupted their concentration. I was endangering Lady Sun's safety. It did not matter that the girl was a genuine bitch, she had Lady Sun's ear and the princess quickly agreed. Already substantially depressed with my situation, I didn't fight it. At least being around horses instead of catty bodyguards would have its perks, the horses respected me.

Now six months after the injury, I was fully set in my routine. I now slept in the loft away from the rest of the girls. I, in all honesty, hated them. They were rude and childish and I wanted nothing more than to teach them a thing or two about fighting like a man. Then again, I was now assimilated; looking like the rest of the girls and even wearing a skirt. Humiliation complete. Most girls would be thrilled to be able to grow their hair out again and wear this horribly slutty attire, but I just wanted my old life back. Dirty, unshaven, short hair, pants….all foreign ideas now. Female bodyguards were on display for the morale of the men and they all knew it. It sickened me, I hated it. The last man that grabbed my ass got a broken nose and I was labeled as the 'Queen Bitch'. Fantastic.

My own horse was wholeheartedly in love with Lady Sun's mare and I was happy for him. At least one of us was content with my new hell. Finally as I lifted the last clump of mature out of the straw with the pitchfork, I snapped. I was done. Shoveling shit could be done in Xiliang and in more clothes than I was currently wearing. I didn't need to deal with this; I obviously was never going to see the battlefield again. Hell, as long as I didn't rejoin Ma Chao's unit no one would ever know if I pulled my transvestite stint again. Only he would recognize my horse, so if I found another unit I'd be fine. Yes…a few months off in Xiliang and then I'd ride south again to join with someone. Even if it was just militia…it would be fine. Guan Yu was riding to Jingzhuo soon, if I could make it back in time I'd be almost 500 miles away from Cheng Du and everyone who knew of my last disastrous ordeal. I made up my mind and climbed into the loft to pack my things.

I had few belongings and it only took me five minutes to pack, a sad statement of my life. I was saddling my horse when a surprise visitor appeared in the barn doorway, a man I hadn't seen in six months. The last person I wanted to see. "I'm leaving, I'm done. This shit is more of a charade than my previous one, no matter what anyone tells me. I'm not playing stable hand while looking like a cheap whore."

It was an awkward silence; Ma Chao was never a man to think through his words. It made me stop tightening the cinch on my saddle for a brief moment and I'm glad I did. Otherwise I would have never heard his quiet, almost whispered, words. "They…killed my wife and kids. I…I…was too late and they cut them up in front of me. My family…is gone again."

I turned to him and saw him: head hung low, hands trembling….a man that did not resemble my fearless lord. I didn't know how to react; I had suppressed my emotions for so long I didn't know what was the right way to react to something catastrophic. Deep down I wanted to hold him and comfort him, but my mind quickly extinguished that thought. I had done so well at programming myself to override those foolish feminine urges. Instead I answered him as a man would, "Then I will go with you, you shall have your revenge."

xxxxx

We had left camp discretely, Zhuge Liang would never approve of my Lord disappearing for the sole purpose of a manhunt. He was very quiet and that disturbed me, I wanted him to say something. Anything. "Who are we after?"

"Liang Kuan and Zhao Qu."

I nodded. Simple answer, the minimum. Nothing more was needed to make me understand that he did not wish to speak of it. His wavering voice when he said 'they cut them up in front of me' stuck in my head. What did that mean? What the hell happened? Six months of convincing myself that I would never again be in his service vanished in an instant. Now we were on the road together again and he was my lord, I would not have it any other way. Night fell and we finally stopped for a rest. No more words had been spoken between us and I was going to keep it that way. Whatever he wanted, that was what he would have. While he unsaddled his horse and groomed her absent-mindedly I started a fire and began to rummage through my saddle bags for a meatbun.

"I'm sorry."

His voice startled me and I looked up as he approached the fire. "You have nothing to apologize for; I am the one who betrayed your trust."

"I overreacted. I just never expected that."

I nodded and turned the meatbun over to let it heat thoroughly. I didn't know what to say, I was just thrilled to be beside him once more. "They will pay."

He nodded. I watched over him with a pang of pity, he seemed so lost. I knew it to be true; Lady Yang Xiu was the focus of his existence. After his father and brothers were killed, he was never far from anger; constantly snapping at everyone, itching for a fight. The young charismatic warrior I saw in the market was gone; that carefree smile never touched his lips again not after poor Ma Dai came racing into town. I had been there, in the square, on that day. It is what drove me to join him. I saw that smile, and his innocence, wash off his face forever the moment his cousin told him the news. Before long he was in the center of town, fully clad in armor, hoisting his spear aloft and screaming for volunteers to assist him in attacking Chang An. Cao Cao would pay and our young lord would be the one to bring down the sword of vengeance. I rode with them, and experienced my first taste of battle at Tong Gate. Just trying to stay alive I killed anyone who came near me, simply by luck. I had very little skill at that point and there was no time for training, but the fates were with me. And from that day forward I was blessed with the happiest days of my life, until that arrow found its way into my flesh. Shaking my head I looked up at him, last thing I needed was to lapse into depression. I was here for him now, the way it was meant to be.

"I was fighting….against Cao Cao." He stared into the fire and played with the tattered edge of his tunic. "I thought they were safe in the fortress….it was the safest place. I came back and the gate was up. We were trying to lure Xiahou Yuan back to the stronghold so the archers could pick them off…but the gate was up. Wasn't the plan. I…..I looked up when I heard him laugh. Liang Kuan….he stood on the gate and laughed at me. Then Zhao Qu brought up Xiu…she was crying. I…" He choked up and his voice trailed off.

I wished to the gods that I knew what to say or do, I didn't know. Should I touch him? Should I stay quiet? Why was it so difficult for me to be compassionate? I finally decided to give him some physical comfort. Slowly I reached out for his hand to squeeze it reassuringly, just to signal that I was listening. It must have been the right thing to do…he wouldn't give my hand back.

"She screamed…and I stood down there helpless. The one time the woman I loved needed me and I could do……nothing." Tears began to fall and he covered his eyes with his free hand.

I was shocked. Never had I seen him react this way, it was always a quick flash of anger followed by mass destruction. Now, for the first time, he needed my protection. I stood and walked over to him, pulling his head to my stomach so he could cry into me, just as my mother had once done. His arms were around my waist instantly as his tears warmed my exposed midriff. I stroked his head, encouraging him to share his pain.

My lord cried for so long, I feared he might die of dehydration. Cradling his head against me I couldn't help but be jealous of a dead woman. Lady Yang had a wonderful husband, a man who would never forgive himself for what evil befell her. Now he was alone again and I would find out until later how very alone he was. He wouldn't tell me anything more that night, I'd have to wait until Ma Dai arrived to hear the entire story but at this point he was in need of comfort for one person alone. His wife who could only rely on him for rescue, something I couldn't comprehend. To be helpless…..to know your family was in danger and not try to fight back? Once my lord's crying stopped he tried to wipe off his tears from my abdomen using his tunic. I have to admit, despite the situation, I was terribly aroused by his hand rubbing me dry with just a thin piece of silk between his flesh and mine. I tried to look appreciative, and had his eyes not been blood-shot and blurry he might have seen my desire. I felt horrible, what sort of person thinks of something like that when a man has lost his family?

"You're shivering." He said and looked at my face. "What the hell are you wearing?"

Yes…very reassuring. He hadn't even noticed that I was barely clothed until now. "My new uniform."

"Uniform?" He looked me over and smiled. "That's underwear…what are they trying to do to you? This skirt isn't even long enough to cover anything if you bend over."

I blushed. Yes…I knew that very well but I didn't need him to tell me. "They took my other clothes away…this is actually all I have."

He looked me over once again and ran the back of his hand over my thigh…causing me to gasp. I didn't intend to, but those reactions are involuntary and he took away his hand embarrassed. "I just saw your goose-bumps…I didn't think. Sorry." He stood and ran his hands through his hair. "I'll make sure we find you new clothes, but for tonight….you should probably share my blanket. Yours is so thin….and I'd like the company."

I was at a loss for words. Yes I had slept near him many times, but never wrapped up close to him in the same blanket! I looked into his eyes and he looked so pitiful...so needy. How could I refuse him? "You're right…I'm freezing. Perhaps it would be best to share some warmth."

"I'll check on the horses one last time." He gave my arm a squeeze and walked off into the darkness. He was so desperate for any sort of comfort, was that the only reason he sought me out? Just to have someone to cry on that wouldn't think less or him? Why would that be a bad thing? I had sworn to keep him safe.

Messing with the blankets I had to think about Lady Yang. How long he chased her just to end up watching her being murdered with their children. I toyed with the blankets and wondered what he ever did to deserve this. Why was fate determined to destroy his family every time he was happy? What had Ma Mengqi done to anyone…all he did was love his wife and kids. I had been envious of Lady Yang when I was helping him plot his romantic dinners and moonlight rides, he had fallen for her so quickly. When he was talking about her his eyes lit up with this glow of adoration and it was the only time he let himself be happy. With her gone, he'd sink back into his mindless search for revenge. Gods, let me stop him from hurting himself!

"They're all bedded down…something wrong?"

I looked up and shook my head. "No not at all. Can I get you something else to eat?"

"I'm just tired. I haven't slept much lately."

"Then come to bed." I said it and he replied with a gracious smile. It must be nice to be able to say that to this man at night. I shook those thoughts from my head, what sort of pervert thinks about taking advantage of a man like that!

"Sure, let me take off some of my armor. I don't think you'd appreciate that much."

"I'll trade." I pointed to my slutty skirt and winked.

He gave me a soft chuckle. "I've missed you."

The tingling sensation returned. He didn't mean it like that; he was just looking for a friend. "Why? Have you been thinking about wearing women's clothes recently?"

"Ha!" He tossed a boot at me. "No wonder you had stable detail."

"I considered it a promotion." I lay down and wrapped my self up in the blanket to await him. How awkward was this going to be? I found out immediately as he dropped down beside me and rolled under the blanket. His freezing cold hand touched my shoulder as he was grabbing for the blanket…..and I elbowed him in the chest.

"Ouch! I said share the blankets!"

"You're hands are cold!"

"So you're hitting me?" I felt him shuffle closer and I began to shiver. He was cold, but he was also shirtless. His chest was pressed against my shoulder blades and his left arm slung around my body. "Are you…alright with this? I know it's sort of strange but I really need someone right now. I feel so alone."

His voice quivered and I squeezed his hand. "I'm fine, I trust you. I'm here for you, I always was."

Hearing those words he pressed his head against my shoulder and sighed. I was a liar. It was possibly the most incredibly bizarre situation I had ever been in. What was I thinking? He was looking for someone to share the hard times with, someone who would support him in his weak state. The man who was pressed up against me was not looking to use my body for pleasure…as much as I wanted him to. I lay there wide awake for hours as he finally drifted off to sleep, content and safe. All I could think about was his wonderful body…and how it felt up against my skin. As slept he pulled me closer to him and I felt my heart race and the familiar moisture of arousal soil my undergarments. My back was to him, but it didn't dull my fascination with his chest. I could feel the strong pectorals and the finely ridged abdominal muscles….but I could see his forearm. There was something incredible about a well defined forearm on a man. Being able to see the details of his muscles…to feel the soft skin of the underside of the arm….and to have it all pressed against my breasts.

His hot breath warmed the base of my neck and his lips were so close to the crest of my shoulder I would feel the tip of his tongue as he licked his lips in his dreams. My mind immediately began to take all these sensations and ravel them up into a splendid fantasy. How it must feel to have this privilege every night…to know the security of these strong arms and the knowledge that this man was yours. It was the first time in my life I felt completely at easy with a person being so close to me and the first time I knew what it would be like to feel loved. My pleasant thoughts were interrupted by his sweet voice as he spoke the words that were the product of his dream. "I love you, Xiu."

If you would like to know true depression, try being envious of a dead woman. Even in death, Lady Yang Xiu had more than I ever hoped to have. Perhaps the reason for my tears was the fact that I allowed myself to fantasize about this….about him. I knew the only way to serve my lord was as a soldier, and I would never achieve anything better. Why would I allow myself to be so delusional? Lord Ma Chao was dreaming about his loving wife and the marital bliss that he used to have and I was letting my brain play tricks on me. Allowing that self-loathing portion of my psyche to control my thoughts and emotions knowing full well it would lead to heart-break and humiliation. No, I would have to try harder to destroy those foolish emotions. I was only here to serve and his body was only mine to protect.


	4. New Recruits

_Ma Chao's Wrath_

**Chapter 4**

New Recruits

* * *

  
Dawn took forever to arrive. My feeble attempts to rid my mind of the sexual thoughts regarding my lord went a long way to prolonging the night. When the sun finally rose above the horizon I had not slept at all. I decided to try and free myself from my Lord's tight hold, but I only succeeded in awaking him. Perhaps that's what I was hoping to achieve, at that point I had no idea why I was doing anything. My mind was on an opposite course from what I knew to be my duty….why the greatest torment comes from within is truly a sick joke. "I…didn't mean to wake you." 

"It's…" he yawned and stretched. "Fine."

Free of his embrace I sat up, only to feel his hand upon my back. My eagerness to be rid of him was way too obvious and he was concerned. Considering how easy it was for me to revel in sin, I jumped at another chance to lie. "I want to make you breakfast, thought it might be a nice surprise."

He was sold on that pathetic reason, thank gods for his gullibility. "Oh…thank you. I don't know what I'd do without you."

Why at this point I just didn't beg for execution, I had no idea. How he could unknowingly torment me with mere words…"End up sleeping on your horse more than likely."

"Thank you."

I turned and smiled at him, yet another bad judgment call. My lord was handsome in armor, but breathtaking without. As he blinked away the remaining effects of slumber he ran his hands through his long auburn hair and looked up at the sky. Loose strands of hair cascaded over his shoulders and down his chest, some even flopping over his face. I had to turn away to avoid allowing my lewd thoughts to take a hold of my sense of duty once again. Quickly I began rummaging through my saddlebags to find breakfast. I didn't have many supplies, I was intending to get to the closest town and use my meager savings to purchase some more rations.

"We should get moving."

I looked over my shoulder and watched him push his long hair behind his ears in annoyance. "What's the rush? You should have breakfast."

"Thanks…mother." He grinned and stood up allowing me to see his flawless body and mock my unquenchable lust with his morning erection. If he only knew how he unwittingly tormented me.

"You didn't answer my question…..jackass."

"Pang De and Ma Dai are meeting us in Tian Shui." He answered and walked over to pull my hair. "Smart ass."

"Then I'll saddle the horses up after I go take a piss." I stood and stretched. I hoped acting like one of the guys again would help make the situation less awkward. He rubbed his eyes and yawned again before disappearing into the tree line to get some privacy.

Xxxx

Upon our arrival in Tian Shui, we found Ma Dai trying to rally men in the square. It was sad, he didn't have the charisma or presence to command the respect needed for such a task however the fact that he was trying so hard made my lord smile. His younger cousin had always looked up to him and now a hearty eighteen years of age, Ma Dai was trying to make him proud. "He's going to make one hell of a general one day." I said with admiration.

"Yes…hopefully he'll have a better life than me. I couldn't bear knowing someone else had to suffer…"

I touched his hand to reassure him. "Perhaps you should help him…he's sort of losing momentum. We've been here five minutes and that's the fourth time I've heard the phrase 'sword of justice'."

I watched my lord walk his horse into the square and a hush fall over the crowd. He was ready to make a speech and his anger had returned. There wasn't a man alive that would have interrupted him at this point, but I missed what he was saying. I gruff voice hailed me and I looked at Pang De's familiar face peering at me from his helmet. "Lord Pang."

"So you are a girl, I'll be damned." He smiled and leaned upon his battleaxe. "And now you've been recruited for this special mission….you know there's going to hell to pay when you go home." My lord's mentor grinned, some things never changed. I remember him griping endlessly about Chao's sporadic behavior when they were together at Guan Du, there were some things that always came up when a group of men were drinking. And Pang De never let his lord live that down.

"Especially since I neglected to turn in my resignation….or inform anyone other than the barn cat that I was leaving." I mentally chided myself for that oversight. I had better stay in good favor with my lord; Liu Bei was going to be looking for my head upon our return.

"We better move quick anyhow. I believe Zhuge Liang's messenger should be on his way here. Probably something about our lord being hot-headed and narrow minded."

I hardly noticed that the speech had ended; only Ma Dai's youthful laughter alerted me to it. "Oh…cousin. You're really in bad shape if you can't tell a girl from a man…in THOSE clothes."

I shifted uncomfortably in the saddle; I was still embarrassed by my attire. "Good to see you too again, _kid_ " I snorted in reply. I hadn't seen him in almost two years and he was finally filling out. Poor scrawny boy that he was I thought I was going to snap him in training.

"Well Dai, I don't recall you noticing when you were sparring with her either." My lord inched his horse closer to me and smiled a greeting to Pang De. "Do you have somewhere we can plan….or shall we get moving as soon as possible and do our thinking in the saddle?"

"We should ride, sooner this matter is settled the better." Pang De hefted his axe over his shoulder and moved towards the stable. "Hey pageboy…get my horse ready."

"Pageboy!" Ma Dai snorted. "We'll see who outshines who in battle, old man!"

"Oh? The way I look at it…your cousin has a bodyguard and I need one for myself. Looks like you just got promoted, so get my horse."

"Did you just call me a bodyguard?"

"And what is wrong with that?" I asked and tapped the hilt of my sword.

"Nothing! I'm…honored?" Dai walked around the front of my horse, obviously looking for an opportunity to see up my skirt. "Do I get to wear a bra too?"

"Does the thought turn you on?" I flashed a salacious smile.

I actually make him blush! "Well the only bra around is on you….and if I wore it that would mean…."

"Your ass is getting whipped by your older and wiser cousin. Filthy little shit…get your ass in the barn and get to work!" My lord's eyes darkened and his jaw clenched. "And don't think I didn't just see you trying to look up her skirt! Any more of that and I'll shipped off to Cao Cao's harem as a potential eunuch!"

I had to laugh. Poor little Dai's eyes grew so wide and he bolted out of the street at a dead run. At least he was smart enough to listen. "He's grown up."

"Good thing I'm taking him back to Cheng Du with us, he needs training."

I had to laugh again and my lord gave me a curious glance. "It's just that Lady Sun's bodyguards will be the ones that train him….." I raised my eyebrows and smiled.

"God help me." He leaned back in the saddle obviously contemplating my statement. What havoc could a young horny Ma with no self-control create? "I'll ask Guan Yu to train him; he's done wonders with Ping. Right now, I just don't think I'm the right person to do it."

"You don't need the added stress, my lord." I agreed with him and cleared my throat. "Or the boost to your ego."

Taking off his helmet he looked around at the citizens of Tian Shui. "I don't think we're going to have time to get you new clothes…I hope it won't be too much of an inconvenience."

"I wouldn't know….I was taken off of active duty shortly after I was given this ensemble. I haven't really had the chance to really fight with it on…all just mediocre practice."

"I'm sure Dai brought too many clothes, his mother probably packed for him." His eyes twinkled and he bit his lip. It was good to see that he wasn't completely consumed by his personal hell. I looked over as Pang De and his new bodyguard led their horses up to us. Four people? They couldn't muster anyone else for this suicide mission? It was probably for the best; a large force would hamper our speed and be easily picked up by the enemy. Hopefully these two bad men were foolish enough to return home instead of seek shelter under Cao Cao. It'd hate to have to keep my lord safe under those circumstances again. Chasing after him while he pursued Cao Cao like a raging bull…..yes _that_ was what I needed to do, especially in my new clothes.


	5. Instigating

_Ma Chao's Wrath_

**Chapter 5**

Instigating

* * *

"How accurate are you with a bow?" Pang De asked as we stood observing the stronghold.

"I can hit what I'm aiming at." I answered knowing that wasn't the answer he was looking for.

"But not a guaranteed kill." He muttered as Ma Chao broke a stick in half. "Easy. I'll come up with a different plan. Mocking then and then sniping them off the gate was a shitty option anyhow."

"Cowards." My lord was now pacing again. It had taken me thirty minutes of pleading to calm him to the point where he could sit without grinding his teeth. Now he was up again and breaking things. I was worried and a bit scared. I had seen him enraged, but there was a more primitive edge to it now and I didn't know what to do. He spoke again before I could dwell on it. "They dare hide behind those walls to murder my family….then cower behind them to avoid retribution!"

"Hey…why don't we draw them out?" Ma Dai jumped up, completely oblivious to the lurking danger that was driving his pacing cousin.

"_Brilliant_. You've missed your calling as a strategist." Chao hissed and I gave him a startled look. That was cruel…Dai was just trying to be helpful. He must have seen my face because he quickly apologized. "Sorry….I'm just…I didn't mean it."

"It's okay…I guess it was a stupid idea." Dai turned away his shoulders hung low and sat down.

My lord looked wounded by comment and struggled to say the right thing. I jumped up and got in his way before he could do more harm. "Perhaps Dai is right…we can draw them out. The two of us…out to avenge our lord."

Pang De spoke up, his steady thoughtful voice commanding everyone's attention as he looked over the fortress once more. "I like it. They'd fall for it. Your young cousin and a girl…out to fight the battle for their lord. Easy slaughter as far as they'd be concerned…another strike at you. Let's do it."

I was surprised he actually took me seriously, I wasn't serious myself when I said it. I was just trying to make Dai feel better by siding with him. I wasn't a general…I was just a bodyguard. Why was he listening to me? "I don't know…I…"

"What? Now you don't have any confidence?" Pang De chuckled. "Must be the skirt."

All eyes were now upon me and I looked away. What the hell had I done? "What are you thinking?"

"Ride to the gate with Dai, both of you make a ruckus and insult them. Demand payback. Tell them Zhuge Liang caught up with Chao and ruined his vigilante mission. Make shit up." Pang De turned to Chao, "And then we go and join in once they lure them out. You know like baiting wolves."

My lord was indecisive, but there was little choice. I was now going to have to protect Lord Ma Dai and let the youngster use his smart ass mouth for something worthwhile. I looked up and there was this glimmer of hope in my lord's eyes and I could not put up any further resistance. "I'll ready the horses." I walked back to the small meadow where we had tethered them. My mind was clouded with visions of failure and I knew I had to shake them off. Someone had to keep Ma Dai safe, since I knew damned well he always got in way over his head. I would rather kill myself then report that I had failed to keep his last family member alive.

xxxxxxxx

"So…what do I say?"

I looked over at the young lord and rolled my eyes. "You just spent ten minutes telling me about the curve of my ass, perhaps next time we're about to charge an enemy fortress you'll refrain from doing that and concentrate on the battle!"

Ma Dai chuckled. "Well…now that it's just you and me…"

"Keep you mind on the task at hand, please." I looked ahead of me. It was just the two of us now, sitting upon our steeds a mile away from the stronghold. Pang De instructed us to take this road and dawdle to give the impression that we were having second thoughts. It wasn't just an impression, I was genuinely unnerved. This was the first engagement since my unfortunate wounding and the presence of archers upon the gate were rattling me. I would do my job, it was second nature to fight now but I was worried. What if I couldn't protect Dai? So many uncertainties were a factor now. My leg wasn't as strong as it had been, I hadn't sparred with a man for near eight months and sun was catching the steel broad heads that were pointing towards us. Would I flinch?

"Well…let's go pick a fight!"

I shifted my attention to him as he spurred his horse into a gallop. "Announce yourself when you get there!" I screamed and began the chase. His horse from the treasured Ma Clan stock and far outclassed my humble mount, but he was supposed to be in the lead. God help me if I even had to follow him into battle!

"Incorrigible filth! I, Ma Dai, demand a duel with the scum that murdered my family. Come out and fight if you dare!"

I leaned over my horse's neck and asked him for a bit more speed as Dai began to prance around like a cock sure idiot. He wasn't half bad. "We are here to seek vengeance on our lord's behalf! How can you call yourselves men, if you will not accept our challenge?"

I slid to a halt and unsheathed my sword, then lowered my voice so only Dai could hear, "Keep going kid."

"What's wrong? Do we frighten you? Are you only capable of killing helpless women and children? "Dai held his sword and slash it in the air to emphasize his statement. "What about innocent babies, Lord Liang? Was my three month old nephew too much of a threat to your manhood?"

I had to stop and blink at his last statement. Good gods, how had I forgotten about the baby? Lady Yang was pregnant when I was reassigned….I had completely forgotten. They killed his baby? "Hide behind those walls as long as you can you cocksucking sons of bitches. If you dare set foot outside your precious castle you might have to answer for your actions! I've seen wolves with better morals you parasitic assholes!"

"Damn…" Dai muttered before giving me a wink. "I'd love to see that tongue in action on my…"

"You think you can best us?" Zhao Qu appeared upon the gate and laughed at us. "A boy and his whore…the pride of the Ma Clan. Well let us do Lord Ma another favor…OPEN THE GATE!"

"I'll answer you with the sword of justice!" Ma Dai screamed and cantered off to meet his opponent. Someone needed to give that kid a more expansive vocabulary.

"And what of the mighty Liang Kuan?" I stood in the saddle and scanned the top of the wall….the archers were now divided between the two targets. "Are you too busy having your precious cohort Lord Zhao pound your ass to answer my challenge? Someone give him back his balls so that I can peel them out of the sack!"

"You are an eager little whore aren't you?" The figure of Lord Liang appeared upon the gate and I narrowed my eyes at him. I hated to admit it, but my new uniform was actually helping my cause. "Can't wait to get your mouth on me can you? Well….I'll see what we can do about granting you your wish. Perhaps after you've enjoyed a mouthful of my seed, you'd like to surrender your body to my men for amusement. Come now little one. Let's play."

I took a deep breath and rode over to young Dai's side, "Remember we're luring them away from the castle."

"Death is too good for them." Dai spat.

"Dai, tell me you're going to withdraw." I grew concerned when I saw that stubborn determination characterized by the clenching of the jaw; I had seen that too many times in my lord.

"Yeah Yeah." He muttered. "Just worry about keeping yourself alive….I'll come and rescue you when the time comes. I'll expect a reward." He flashed me a grin and I closed my eyes. Was I up to this?


	6. Justice

_Ma Chao's Wrath_

**Chapter 6**

Justice

* * *

Each time I tried to draw the arrogant Liang Kuan away he began to move closer to Dai. He was a clever bastard and I was getting anxious. Dai was getting very engrossed in his battle and wasn't paying attention to Zhao Qu's troops…I needed to do something, "Dai! We can't take them…..I don't want to lose you too! Retreat!" I hoped he was sensible enough to figure out my ploy.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Dai snapped

"Pull back dammit!" I spun my horse around and made a quick dash around the back of Lord Zhao's horse giving Dai my best warning glare. _Stupid kid_. "I need you!"

"Oh….Well sweetie I um…guess I should do what you ask. Don't want to have you to deny me sex later." He grinned and galloped after me.

"You ass…"

"I love your ass! Is that where you want it tonight?" his flirtatious smile made me want to punch him and leave him to his fate.

"Try and act pissed off, we are trying to get them to follow us." I shook my head.

"AFTER THEM!"

"See…I do know what I'm doing." Dai leaned over and slapped my ass then took off at a dead run. God was he going to pay for that later. I looked over my shoulder, it actually worked! Then the arrows began to fly and my heart stopped….and I froze. Thankfully my horse dug in and began to chase Dai…I couldn't shake the image of the projectiles until I heard my Lord's voice echo across the field.

"Feel my wrath!"

I searched for the source of the voice and saw him, noble and distinguished and angry as hell. His white mare glided over the grass and was nearly upon us in the time it took for me to realize Pang De was coming out of the tree line to the east. Dai had turned and was now circling around from the west and I was the only one still retreating. A quick jerk on the reins signaled my horse to turn sharply off to the left; I had the enemy bodyguards to distract if my lord was going to have his revenge.

"Pull back!" Liang Kuan hollered and raised his sword in defense only to have the Stallion Fury plunged into his chest.

I turned to see that Pang De was driving the arrogant Zhao Qu right towards my lord, instead of trying to kill the man himself. Lord Liang let out a scream as my lord kicked his punctured body off of his spear. I swerved to the right hoping to impede the men coming to rescue their lords….but those archers were ready to launch a barrage. "Dai! Stay close to your cousin!"

"You want a threesome? Naughty girl!" Dai hooted and galloped past me, gods that kid was going to be in for it. I was never going to hear the end of my profession of love despite it only being a ruse to save his worthless ass. Damn me and my desire to follow orders. I cantered over towards the quivering Zhao Qu, hoping the archers wouldn't fire while their own men were so close. It seemed to help; only a few arrows were sent our way all falling short of our position. The bodyguards began to circle us, a standard trick. The game was to keep your opponent guessing where the next attack would originate from…so I chose to attack instead. Dai and Pang De followed suit, Lord Pang taking on two men with his double axes and Dai reveling in the adrenaline of the battle. I focused, these were elite bodyguards and they far outclassed me even when I was healthy.

"Lord Ma…." Zhao Qu tried to maneuver his mount out of the clutter of fighting; instead Lord Pang swatted him out of the saddle with a growl.

"Try to die like a man." Pang De sneered then returned to his own battle.

I heard screams from the mortally wounded Liang Kuan and glanced back. My lord was actually having his mare stand on the man! I heard some bones crack as I looked back at the guard who was obviously appalled at the sight. I smiled at him "Better run now."

"Only after I take your head." The guard's attack was sloppy and I easily dodged his sword counterattacking with a jab at his ribs that didn't make contact. I didn't have to kill him, just keep him occupied.

"You slaughtered my family…" The seething anger added a sharp bite to his words and even though he was my lord and I had nothing to fear from him, a cold tingle went down my spine. "And now you will suffer the same fate. Tell me now it feels…tell me what my wife felt when you cut open her womb and destroyed my growing child! Were you not content will killing the living that you had to kill the unborn?"

The details of this tragedy kept getting worse. How my lord could even live with those memories…any weaker man would have removed his own eyes rather than witness that. I wanted to cry for him, but the only the blood of his enemies would begin to heal his wounds. I heard a slashing sound and knew that the unfortunately man had lost a limb. I heard the scream and used the distraction to cut the guard's face open with my blade…a lucky move. Then I pulled my horse around to see his fury for my own eyes.

Zhao Qu's left arm was dangling by the tendons that held the ball of his shoulder in the socket and the back muscle that kept everything together. Blood soaked him and the ground around him. Some battle hardened men would have fought on, but Lord Zhao was not a man of that caliber and he began to wail and look for a means of escape. Lotus, my lord's white mare, pranced upon the now motionless Liang Kuan as Ma Chao the splendid held his spear dripping with the blood of his enemies. Suddenly his spear lashed out again and Lord Zhao lost his right ear. I had seen enough. "My lord, please…finish him. We are running out of time!"

"Mengqi….don't do what they did." Pang De's voice carried well across the field and I wanted to be finished with this task. To see him like this was unsettling for all of us.

"Fine." He urged his horse to take a few steps forward before slashing his victim's throat open. Blood spewed from his jugular like a macabre fountain and he gasped for air…flailing before falling to the ground dead. Justice was served.


	7. Back to Reality

_Ma Chao's Wrath_

**Chapter 7**

Back to Reality  


* * *

After the final blow, the enemy bodyguards gave up and retreated. There was no sense in prolonging the confrontation; they would be serving a new master as soon as they returned home. It seemed peculiar to reassign guards who failed to protect their charge; however it was a custom that seemed to vary very little from kingdom to kingdom. The guards were rarely blamed for the death of their general, unless another officer testified to them being inept. I never fully understood this system until Lord Ma asked me to be a member of his bodyguard unit and then I understood it way too well. The life of a guard is typically short and most generals considered them renewable resources….more expendable even than the common soldier. The luxuries that we enjoyed came at a price; we were always the first targets of any attack. The custom began to make sense as I witnessed my comrades fall beside me. In the event a guard made if back home they were obviously worth their weight in gold. If a general fell, the enemy usually rushed the lines and cut down the fleeing men. Anyone who defended themselves through that sort of onslaught would have no difficulty finding another assignment….unless said bodyguard turned out to be a woman in disguise. I had no complaints now; I was back where I belonged….save one minor issue. 

"So, sweetheart, when are you planning on paying me back for saving your pretty little ass?"

Ma Dai was going to be that one minor issue. I rolled my eyes as my lord turned around and stared at his cousin, eyes still burning with rage and his chest still heaving with fury. I needed to defuse the situation for poor Dai was going to end up being dragged by his balls back home. "Come back and see me when you're a man…I'm not a pedophile."

Pang De gave a hearty chuckle and chided. "Now we should probably be riding off into the sunset now…they still do have archers on that wall."

I shifted my eyes to my lord, he was having difficulty letting go and I needed to settle him before he charged the stronghold. "My lord, after you."

"I'm not done yet." He slowly turned his horse to the fortress and clenched his hand around the shaft of his spear. I gave Pang De a pleading look; I couldn't stop him if I tried.

"Mengqi, there is nothing more to do. We must leave and get back to Tian Shui, Cao Cao's forces are in the region." Pang De moved his horse closer and crossed his axes over his lap. "Hey, you're prefect now. You have to make the decisions for your province just like your father did. You need to recruit more men if you're going to defend your people. We need to leave…now."

"We need to run fast!" Ma Dai said with a panicked squeal. "Archers taking formation…"

"Sir.." I moved close to him wiggling my skirt a bit higher so he could easily see my scar. I was running out of options, these damned Ma boys were a handful. I never had to be so conniving in my life. With the most pitiful sound to my voice I said, "I….really don't want to get shot again."

His eyes softened as he looked into mine, then his gaze drifted to my thigh. Immediately he nodded and turned his horse around. "Pull back."

* * *

"Dai, are you listening to me?" 

I leaned upon my horse's saddle and adjusted my skirt as my lord lectured his cousin on how to not greet Lady Huang. After we were far enough away from the scene of devastation, Lord Pang offered to travel to Hanzhong to recruit men for my lord's depleted force. He was quickly granted the request and rode off leaving our small party of three to journey back to Tian Shui and deal with Zhuge Liang. Ten li from the city my lord decided it was best for all of us to bathe and meet the irate strategist as pleasant smelling as possible. Ever since that brief rest stop I had problems with my skirt, it had suspiciously been shrunk. Ma Dai swore it was just a mistake, he wasn't familiar with laundry. I knew better.

"DAI!"

"What? Why are you yelling _Mengqi_?"

"Stop gawking at her and look at me when I'm talking to you!" I watched my lord cross his arms in anger as his cousin chirped with laughter.

So this was what Ma Chao the father looked like. A pang of regret made my heart ache; I only wished that I could honestly say it was for his children. Instead I selfishly questioned the heavens why I wasn't worthy of his man….and I closed my eyes. Why these thoughts wouldn't leave my head….why I struggled to ignore the lust that was consuming me. How many years had I served him? How many had I spent as his shadow? I had never done more than admire his masculine form…never thought about running my hands along the curve of his firm buttocks. Never thought about how he would taste or feel inside of me. Now I couldn't do anything without mentally undressing him or wanting him to take advantage of my short skirt when I leaned over the saddle. I was even giving him opportunities…opportunities to not notice me. In one short ride I managed to truly learn how to hate myself. He was in pain and I was in heat. I deserved a horrible death for my thoughts. There was a good possibility that I would get my wish, Master Zhuge and Lady Huang were waiting for us down the road. My lord had left Cheng Du, disobeying a direct order. I had followed him without tendering my resignation or reporting to my superior, in not so many words I was a deserter. Then there was Ma Dai who was going to shower the woman warrior with affections and lewd remarks that would get him either cleaved in half or set on fire by her husband's war fan. Pang De was a brilliant man having left when he did.


	8. Acceptance

_Ma Chao's Wrath_

**Chapter 8**

Acceptance

* * *

"I don't recall the uniforms being that…revealing."

Yue Ying's voice startled me as I waited for my lord to stop screaming at Zhuge Liang. It had been a full two hours since our arrival and the two men disappeared into the tavern to discuss the matter…and I was fully aware of how well Ma Chao discussed anything. I was left outside to watch the mounts while Ma Dai visited with some friends of the family, a very wise order given by my lord. I gave her a slight bow and answered, "My lord's cousin did himself a favor and washed my clothes for me."

"That little pervert." She giggled. "He's adorable…but he's going to get himself in a lot of trouble."

I never had to opportunity to actually meet Lady Huang before now; in fact her husband had made it rather clear that she wouldn't like me at all. Why was it now that she seemed so likable? "Without a doubt."

"Poor Kongming can't get a word in…your lord is a pain in the ass."

"I know, I've been on the receiving end of one of those tirades." I smiled.

"Lady Sun is very excited about your return…she thinks that you two ran away together. She's got a mind as bad as Dai's." She paused then asked, "You didn't did you?"

"No." I had to blush. If they only knew what I wanted to do with him. "I just want to protect him. He doesn't have anyone left."

"Oh." She suddenly fell silent and then thoughtfully added. "You've got incredible self control." I fiddled with my skirt to avoid looking at her. I couldn't have made a very convincing argument at that point since I was thinking about that morning erection from a few nights ago…and I was starting to salivate. Before I could say anything Lady Huang continued, "I brought some extra clothes…perhaps you'd be interested in changing out of that?"

I breathed a sigh of relief. "I would forever be in your debt."

"Well leave them to argue, I doubt they'll be done when we return."

"I should also make sure Ma Dai made it to his destination…and not the whorehouse." I grumbled and lead the horses away. I didn't trust these people of Tian Shui….they kept giving me weird glances. Then I realized it was because of what I was wearing. Nanman women had more covering their bodies.

* * *

Lady Huang and Master Zhuge left Tian Shui three days later and my lord was back to making stirring speeches. Somehow he had sorted everything out and managed to get me out of a court-marital as well. I was thankful; I didn't really want to miss out on the rest of life. After he saw Lady Huang's dress on me, he promptly took me to a tailor to be fitted with something appropriate. I went from barely any clothes to showing no skin and I think the change was drastic enough to make even him uncomfortable. I thought Yue Ying was generous but he hauled me off to be fitted for something new none the less. Something about it being his duty to equip his bodyguards. I believe that the talks included a lot of questions about property rights. I wasn't going to be claimed as Shu material, not while my Lord still had a say. I, of course, found it flattering. Who wouldn't?

"Can't you just….make something?"

Lord Ma was having difficulty comprehending that the small store did not have clothes befitting a woman warrior in stock. In fact the petite woman was rather confused when he tried to describe Lady Sun's new attire. I had to admit I liked her change of clothes. Pants and a fitted vest seemed like a comfortable yet alluring outfit, I didn't want my lord to forget that I was a woman. The rational side of me knew that he didn't see me in that manner; the way he spoke about me was the same way he spoke about Dai. He looked upon us both as siblings now that his were gone and that was unsettling. Especially knowing how hard Dai was trying to get in my pants and my own lurid thoughts about Lord Ma's body. Before I could dwell on it any longer he tugged me out of the small store and into the street.

"Well find something in Hanzhong."

I nodded and he looked me over again. "I can change into something different."

"We'll just buy you some boy's clothes…will that work?"

"Sir, you're the one offended by my attire….will it work for you?"

"Back to formalities?"

"It must be this dress."

"To the store then." He smirked. The small adventure was obviously a welcome distraction from his problems and I followed obediently. Every now and then I'd trip on the dress and he'd laugh at me while I struggled to readjust my sword and clothing. What an amazing sight it was to see Ma Chao smile…and the familiar warmth returned to my loins. What a pervert I was becoming, I deserved Ma Dai after all.


	9. Tides of War

_Ma Chao's Wrath_

**Chapter 9**

Tides of War

* * *

Nearly a month had passed without incident. I followed my lord wherever he went, always with the flirtatious Ma Dai at my side. My new attire actually made me feel better about myself; it was attractive and functional and kept curious eyes off of my body. One downfall to pants were that they had a tendency to outline my ass and that was something that made Dai very happy indeed.

"Damn it's hot." Dai lamented and then gave me a wink. "Bet you want to take some clothes off to cool down."

"Dai, shut up." Ma Chao barked and looked back over his small column of one thousand volunteers. He had been on edge for a good while now as we approached Hanzhong. We were racing to the aid of Pang De who alerted us to the presence of Cao Cao's forces; he was in dire need of assistance, having only recruited 800 men himself. We all knew that a force of less than two thousand against any number of Cao Cao's was a suicide mission….but we followed our lord none-the-less.

* * *

"Alright so the archers will take the eastern wall and cavalry the southern gate…" Ma Dai reread his strategy proposal to me for the tenth time.

"With Ma Chao at the northern gate ready with the ambush…and Pang De the western gate with the flank attack…and you and me in here. Wonder what the missing page of the proposal says." I lay on my back in the grass looking at the sky. I was stuck with Dai for most of the afternoon preceding the pending battle. Lord Ma and General Pang were discussing matters….and my lord was using his typical discussion voice-nothing less than an agitated holler.

"You really want me…I can see it in your eyes." Dai dropped to his knees next to me and leaned over. "Maybe you just want to be dominated…eh? Is that what I'm missing?"

I rolled my eyes and sighed. "You're missing a hell of a lot more. Try again when your balls drop."

He chuckled and leaned closer. "I love the way you talk…so dirty. Makes me want to spank you."

I was thinking of a reply and failed to notice the screaming stopped. When I realized it, poor Ma Dai was aloft and being thrown across the small courtyard. I sat up just as Dai hit the fence and cringed. What made my lord so angry? "Sir?"

"Dai, I thought I made myself clear." The cold snap to his voice….I looked back to Pang De to make sure he was close. There was no telling what would happen when he was like this. Seeing his rage…I began to feel guilty. I had been encouraging Dai perhaps? It didn't take much but still…I was older and wiser I should have stopped him instead of playing along. This had been going on for weeks, why now?

"What the hell is wrong with you Mengqi!" Dai stood and rubbed his head. "I'm beginning to think you can't handle the pressure."

"Pack your goddamned things." My lord turned and gave Pang De a glance. "We're moving out."

"Moving out? But we can't outrun them…" Dai picked up his parchment paper and dusted himself off, obviously rattled by the whole situation.

"That's why I'm staying here and awaiting reinforcements. Now leave soon…or your reinforcements aren't going to get here in time." Pang De's solid and resounding voice added a disillusioning calm to the scene. However even I could not accept these orders without protest.

"We'll never make it back on time…we've recruited every available man in 100 li!" I stood and tried to look convincing but then his eyes turned on me. Gods, I hated that look.

"This is what we have decided, and last time I checked neither one of you was qualified to lodge a protest. Now obey your orders and get your asses in the saddle. Get the men ready to move out…NOW!"

I stood staring at him for much longer than I believed possible, was this my lord? Only Dai's gentle tug on my arm was enough to make me snap out of it. I never saw him like this, not towards his closest officers. What was going on? Why was he looking at me like I was the enemy now?

"You heard the General, let's go." Dai muttered bitterly and I followed. I couldn't resist one last look over my shoulder. He kicked a crate and pointed an accusatory finger at Pang De. His mentor only shrugged and walked back inside the small house leaving Ma Chao to fume outside.

We rode in silence away from Hanzhong. Neither Dai nor I could muster any interest in saying a word to Ma Chao and our lord did not show any discomfort because of it. It was a long ride back to Nanzheng and we all knew that we weren't going to find any men there. I kept my head down and focused on my horse's mane….my thoughts weren't far from my lord. Now I could only think of his anger and those eyes. Often I had found his dark eyes arousing, especially when they were oozing with his ferocity….but not when they turned on me. How could something I enjoyed so much at times be used against me?

"Looks like the people have already left."

I looked up as my lord spoke and saw the town half deserted. So news had already spread that a battle was nearby. Not surprised at the lack of people I glanced over at Dai's disgusted face. He was going to say something stupid.

"Observant aren't you. Obviously _you _missed your calling as a strategist." Dai spat with a heavy dose of venom

"Why don't you make yourself useful, Dai? Find us some accommodations for the night. I'm going to help the men set up camp and find supplies." My lord was unfazed, which was peculiar. He had overreacted to everything recently but overlooked his cousin's rancorous comment.

I held my tongue as he rode off. "What is with him, do you know?" I asked Dai who bounced out of the saddle and began to walk up the stairs to the fortress wall.

"This whole thing…is shit. We're not going back…he just sacrificed Pang De. That's his fucking mentor! How the hell can you do that to a man who trained you?" Dai paced around and finally clenched his fists. "Spent more damned time with Pang De than with his father in the past ten years, yet what does that amount to? Nothing!"

"I…don't know." I answered honestly. I knew we weren't going to be able to get back in time…even if we did find an army. The closest help was in Cheng Du…too damned far away. Pang De was lost.

"Well I do. He's losing his battle for vengeance. So why not help Cao Cao? Trap your family in a fortress for his allies to find them….then do the same fucking thing to Pang De. I guess I can save my money on the fortune teller….I can see what will be the end of me." Dai jumped on a crate and looked around the outskirts of town.

"Dai…" I couldn't say much, his words weren't far from my own thoughts. How long before we too were sacrificed?

"Come on, you're safer with me than him. Let's go find somewhere nice to stay. It may be the last night we have on earth…might as well be in comfort."

I nodded meekly and followed him down the stairs, he seemed like he had an idea of where he was going. I hated to doubt my lord, I had sworn to give my life in his defense, however my resolve was wavering. When we first left Cheng Du I couldn't have been happier to be alone with him, away from the main force of the Shu army. Now I longed for our return to the capital. Without the structure of the army, my lord treated each situation as he would have fighting the barbarians of the North. So much was different down here; the terms we fought on were so drastically dissimilar that I was beginning to doubt his ability. I couldn't believe that I had come to that, but his actions would have been under close scrutiny had the rest of the officers been here. I shook off my treasonous thoughts and jumped on my horse. I could not be the one to doubt him, not after all he had disclosed. What a despicable person I was becoming.


	10. Into the Lion's Den

_Ma Chao's Wrath_

**Chapter 10**

Into the Lion's Den  


* * *

I played with my Lo Mein noodles and avoided eye contact with either my lord or his equally distant cousin. Dai had obeyed his orders and procured us accommodations for the night. In order to spite his cousin, he made sure he went above and beyond the call; we were now going to be staying in a small palatial estate a mile north of town. It was an extravagant house surrounded by an orchard and vineyards and it was by far the nicest home I had ever seen. The owner was fleeing as Dai rode up and the savvy young man had offered to rent it from him for the night. If we hadn't abandoned Pang De, this would be a cause worth celebrating. Instead the three of us sat in silence eating the finest meal we had seen in ages and I was uncomfortable enough to speak up. Without lifting my eyes I asked, "May I be excused?" 

My answer was a fist slamming into the table. "First the silent treatment, now you don't even want to be around me?"

"I'll second that request." Dai said dryly and slapped his chopsticks down. "Request permission to retire for the evening, sir."

"That doesn't surprise me, cousin. However from my own bodyguard..." His voice trailed off as he baited me to look at him.

I fell for it, but my own anger had been festering all day and for the first time I looked back at him with ferocity instead of fear. "Don't you dare question my loyalty! Not after you abandoned your mentor!"

"I think I liked you better as a man, you were less opinionated." Ma Chao answered coldly and resumed his meal. "Just like a woman, always thinking you know everything even when it is none of your concern in the first place."

"You didn't have a problem with me being a women when you were crying like a baby." My retort was quick and I saw Dai's eyebrows furrow in confusion…but it was too late. No one knew about that incident except for the two of us and I had allowed my rage cloud my judgment. I knew that he would see that as a betrayal of trust, but I was furious. I was not the one wrong here and suddenly having my sex be tossed in my face….after everything he asked of me?

"You didn't have a problem respecting me when you were pretending to be a man." He stood up and towered over me as I glared at him in my chair. "Was that part of the charade as well?"

His voice had lowered to a mere growl and his nostrils flared blowing hot breath across my face. He thought I would back down, I always did. I could never hold his glare and would meekly comply….but I was beyond that. All I had endured for him including overriding my lust…now he was going to stand here and insult me? I knew I was out of line, but from what he was saying I wasn't welcome in his unit any longer. That pushed me over the edge and I stood quickly. "What would you know about honesty? All you have ever known is your own selfish drive for revenge!"

"Excuse me? Selfish? I'm not the one who walked out on my family just because I wasn't happy with my responsibilities! Who are you to redefine what is acceptable for a girl? If it wasn't for me, you'd have been executed! You ingrate!"

I kicked the chair out from behind me and straightened up. He crossed his arms over his chest, confident of a win. His robe fluttered as he shifted his weight and a wet piece of hair stuck to his face. Had I been in a better mood I would have thoroughly appreciated the sight of my lord in his thin silk robe and perhaps would have blessed his laziness for not wanting change into normal clothes after his bath. However that day was not an ordinary day, and I was challenging him…no I was insulting him. "You served me up for an execution! You coward, you should have taken my head yourself!"

"Coward?" He ground his teeth and I took his pause as a chance for an attack.

"How else would you explain leaving Pang De to die in your place?" I turned and began to walk away.

"You have no idea what is going on. You should keep your mouth shut before you get yourself in more trouble."

That struck a nerve. I hated threats and I was getting tired of him talking down to me. "The only thing I should have done was join the army sooner, then I could have died with your father and brothers in Chang An; Back when the Ma family crest stood for integrity." With that I walked out of the dining hall and marched to my designated room. I had enough of Ma Chao for one night, but he was far from done with me.


	11. Keeping the Faith

**AN: **This is the last of what was previously written. I did alter this slightly from the original, which was written as more of a PWP than a story. So, from this chapter on updates will probably be less frequent. This chapter was inspired by a drawing by SDink of Studio Dink. Thank you for the reviews, I appreciate it! I apologize for any editing errors, I should refrain from writing impromptu stories on forums. It typically leads to a proofreading nightmare later.

I should have also added to the disclaimer earlier that this particular piece of fanfiction is based more upon events in the novel thanthe game Dynasty Warriors. Characterizations are a medley of DW games 2-5, ROTK, Kessen, Dynasty Tactics, as well as the novel and historical biographies and of course my own twisted interpretations. The OC is based on an obscure mention in Mengqi's SGZ biography and is completely historically inaccurate.

* * *

_Ma Chao's Wrath_

Chapter 11

Keeping the Faith 

* * *

I stormed into my room with my fists clenched. I had never been so angry in my life; it wasn't my nature to lose my temper. If I had been capable of thinking clearly I would have seen that…but I was still enraged. I looked around the room, searching for my small bag of things. I made a quick decision and I was going to ride back and fight with Pang De. He deserved my help…but I was sworn to protect Ma Chao. I briefly became torn about my emotions, and then I heard a creak of the floor board. I whipped around knowing who it was and sneered. "I should have known. You hate hearing the truth."

"You have no idea what the truth is." Ma Chao stood in the doorway and gave me a savage glare. The red glow of the setting sun illuminated the hallway through the paper shades of the window and it provided an eerie backdrop to my furious lord.

I looked at his smoldering eyes and laughed. How I ever grew so bold, I still cannot explain, but I laughed at him none-the-less. A mocking laugh, even worse, followed by a few bitter words, "I understand you better than you think. All those years following you, how could I not? All you care for is revenge and you don't care who has to die to get you there…even more of your family."

"Are you insinuating that I sacrificed my family to get to Cao Cao?" He took a step closer, entering the room.

"No! Do you even listen to what people say, or do you manipulate it to serve your own purpose? You're only focused on one thing and you so quickly forget your responsibility to the living." I looked him over and a warm breeze blew through the room. I wasn't in the path of it, but my lord was. He stood as still as a mountain as the wind played with his long auburn hair and thin green silk robe. Reflecting upon that moment I wish I could have been more appreciative of the sight, he was gorgeous while still being incredibly menacing. Often, after he had shed his armor for the night, he would tie up his hair with a lone white ribbon and somehow always missed about a dozen rouge strands of hair that would fall over his face or curl around his neck. Now with the help of the wind those tassels were blowing across his face and chest while the main body of his pony tail was fluttering behind him like a flag. It only made his expression far more intense. While his hair moved with a life of its own, his face seemed carved in stone. Dark eyebrows furrowed, light hazel eyes shaded between his angry squint, nostrils flaring betraying the storm underneath the still exterior, full lips pressed together until they drained of their rosy color and finally the clenched jaw.

"I heard what you said. That I am the one responsible for the death of my entire family, you made that very clear." His voice was cold as ice and his words escaped his lips with a slight hiss.

Another whorl of wind entered the room and took command of his lightweight robe. He was motionless and allowed the robe to slip off his left shoulder and his heaving chest was revealed. I had seen it before, even felt it upon my own skin, but now it was more intimidating. Those hard pectorals and defined abs were no longer a sight to be beheld, but weapons to be used against me. The robe slipped further down his arm and his massive biceps were displayed and my nerves finally began to override my anger. I backed up involuntarily still trying to hold his gaze but now equally disturbed by his frigid voice and formidable body. Ever the warrior, he saw my hesitation immediately. Ma Chao began to close the distance between the two of us and I struggled to reply, "Your actions speak volumes. As always you rush into battle and leave others to catch up when as a general you should be protecting them."

"I always took you for being an intelligent woman, I see now that I was wrong."

"Why? Because I chose to follow you?" I took a deep breath as he rushed the last few feet and pinned me to the wall. I slammed into the solid wood and the wind was briefly knocked from my lungs.

"You so desperately want to know my rationale?" He growled in my ear.

I swallowed hard. Having his whole body pressed against me and his vicious eyes so close….it made the warm moist breath of his feel like fire. I know I had do something, I was now in a very precarious position and I knew his power. Accidents happened when he lost his temper and I didn't want to be a casualty so I used the only option available. I quickly raised my knee between his legs, going for a cheap shot, but as I neared my target he clamped his muscular thighs together and I squeaked. Of all the generals I had to try and knee in the balls, I had to be with the one that spent the most time in the saddle. His bone crushing strength made my femur scream in protest. I grunted as his forehead pressed to mine and forced my head back against the wall.

"What the hell is it that you want? The execution you narrowly escaped before?"

I had no other option than to be drawn into his savage glare. The light of the candle beside me reflected in his orbs and the dancing flame added to the horror of the situation. I struggled but only worked myself into a worse position. His grip tightened and my thigh slipped further into the vice-grip between his legs. My own breath was rapid, a combination of the struggling and panic that was over-coming me, and it heightened my senses. I now felt those renegade strands of his hair sticking to my own sweat-coated cheeks. "I want to know the man I swore my life to protecting isn't as vile as the man he's hunting."

That was the wrong answer and I knew it. His body tensed and he ground his teeth, I squeaked as he leaned closer. Barely audible he whispered, "Then go serve him."

I winced as he dropped me and looked up at the impressive warrior before me. I knew how to deliver news to him, I had always been the one to notify him of anything gone awry in battle. This was much more important. If I did care for him as much as I thought I wouldn't be attacking him. Not now. Not like this. "I'd never leave you, my life is yours. You know that. I wish that you could act like it had more value."

He cocked an eyebrow and tried to digest what I had said. Before he could reply I gave him something else to think on.

"Especially where Dai is concerned. He's all you have left and he idolizes you! Why is it that when we look at how Cao Cao treats Xu Zhu and Xiahou Dun we wonder what we don't have that makes us so expendable? Especially now, after you abandoned Pang De, we would rather die fighting for you than to die knowing we've been tossed away."

I sat hunched against the wall and watched him practically melt at my statement. His face softened and he no longer maintained his battle stance. Confused and disturbed by what I was saying he turned away from me. "Pang De knew how much you and Dai meant to me…he knew that you two would suffer the worst when we lost. The enemy would see you both died horribly and I couldn't let that happen. You two would have never accepted that and would have fought any way, it was the only way to keep what little I had. Pang De sacrificed himself because he knew if he surrendered they'd recruit him…and we'd be far enough away to see another day. You think I didn't fight him? You think I just agreed to that? There wasn't another option. You see what happens to the people I care about, Xin Qian, I can't let that happen again. Not a third time. "

Now it was my turn to be silent. Once again I had failed him, unable to support him in his time of need, except this time I felt like a traitor. How had I lost faith? Wasn't that my job to the very end? Guilt forced me to look down at the floor. Here he was admitting that I meant something to him and all I wanted to do was insult his decisions. He needed help now, not criticism, especially after failing to protect his wife and family. I was not worth of protecting him and at this point I questioned if I was even worthy of dying by his hand.


End file.
